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A Good laugh for everyone . . . . .

April 7, 2005
1.) Mother: Diba sabi ko kung hawakan ka ng BF mo sa dede, say
“DON’T!”, tapos kung hawakan ka sa pepe, say “STOP!”—eh anong
nangyari?
Daughter: Kasi sabay po niyang hinawakan kaya sabi ko,”Don’t stop!”
 
2.) Anak: Mommy, ang ganda ng bracelet mo. Bigay ba ni Daddy ‘yan?
Mommy: Ay naku anak, kung sa Daddy mo lang ako aasa, baka pati ikaw wala sa mundong ito.
3.)Amo: Inday, bakit lumalaki ang tiyan mo?
Inday: CANCER ‘to Ma’am
Amo: Aba, halika na sa ospital at ipaopera natin.
Inday: Huwag po Ma’am, kay SIR man ito eh.
 
4.)Girl: Love, what’s your valentines gift to me?
Boy: SECRET!
Girl: How sweet naman, you want it to be a surprise.
Boy: Hindi! Secret, para sa kilikili mo!
 
5.)Pinoy Marriage - Man’s life cycle…
3 to 8 years old - Paramihan ng toys
9 to 14 years old - Pataasan ng grades.
15 to 25 - Padamihan ng siyota.
26 to 30 - Pagandahan ng asawa.
30 to 45 - Palakihan ng income.
46 to 55 - Padamihan ng kabit.
 
6.)Two married men talking…
1st man: Swerte ko, my wife is an angel.
2nd man: Buti ka pa, ako ang asawa ko buhay pa.
 
7.)Theme song of married couples…
1 to 10 years - Araw-araw gabi-gabi
11 to 25 years - Saan ka man naroon
26 to 49 years - Gaano kadalas ang Minsan
50 years and up - Maalaala mo kaya
 
8.)Wife: Love, mahal mo ba ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife: Enjoy ka ba sa akin?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
Wife: Baka naman nil oloko mo lang ako?
Husband: Siyempre, asawa kita eh.
 
9.)Ano sa Tagalog ang asawa? (”May bahay”)
Ano naman ang kabit? (”May condo”)
 
10.)Doc: “Ano ang trabaho mo, iha?”
Girl: “Substitute po.”
Doc: “Di kaya prostitute?”
Girl: “Doc, Mommy ko ang prostitute. Kung hindi siya puwede, ako ang pumapalit!”
 
11.)In an obstetricians clinic:
Doc: “Hubad na, iha. Huwag kang mag-alala… I won’t take advantage of you!”
Girl: “Saan ko po ilalagay ang panty at bra ko?”
Doc: “Diyan lang sa may tabi ng brief ko.”
 
12.)Sa seminario:
Madre: “Father, pagsabihan mo naman yung mga seminarista. Umiihi sila sa pader!”
Father: “Sister naman. Maliit na bagay, huwag mo nang pansinin!
Madre: “Naku, Father, malalaki po!”
 
13.)Dalawang madre ang kinidnap ng dalawang lalaki at sila’y hinalay.
Madre #1: “Ama, patawarin mo po siya at hindi niya alam ang kanyang ginagawa.”
Madre #2: “Sister, yung sa akin, marunong!”
 
14.)At their honeymoon:
60-yr old Pastor to his young bride: “Honey, before we do it, let’s first pray for guidance.”
Young bride: “Darling, just pray for endurance, I’ll take care of the guidance!”

Posted by johnpaulaclan at 4:17 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

Hi JP, these are real nasty and naughty jokes, honestly they are funny as hell. I liked best the joke on SECRET.

I really like to join your party pero pasyensya na pre, hindi talaga pwede ngayon. I'll make up next time na lang. Nakakaingit nga.

Posted by Major Tom at April 8, 2005, 2:11 am

hhahahhaa this is cool hella fine….

Posted by pinay at April 19, 2005, 2:48 pm

you simply make my boring shift alive..
very naughty yet i had a big laugh with my friends.
thanks.. c",)

Posted by dawn at July 2, 2005, 3:23 am

john paul astigin hah!! may website na ibang klase..as in!! okey ang mga jokes mo dito tol hah natawa talga ako..

Lorena
the virginal beauty

Posted by LOrena at July 15, 2005, 10:12 pm

ganda

Posted by louigie at May 8, 2006, 10:20 am

i think ur just cool!

Posted by chona at July 26, 2006, 10:06 am